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Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love! My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book 'Earth in the Balance'', and the much more popular ''Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth', we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards. Ummm…to eBay? And remember, don't do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!